Hanging in There

Considering my last entry, this seems an apt moment to make the transition from this journal to my new one. I had been thinking of leaving this one behind for some time now. It details a period of my life that was difficult, sometimes self-destructive and often very confusing. I wouldn't change a moment of it even if I could - every action has a purpose and I'm a deeper, more capable person as a result of the turmoil. However, I feel I've moved into a distinct new period in my life. A happy, productive era of emotional and spiritual growth as I gradually find a life path and style that sets well with me, and also with my Love. I don't want my accounts of this journey to be linked with my past. It's a new start; a new world.

On another note, the journal's title doesn't reflect my situation anymore. I'm still amazingly cool, of course - but with Mark's arrival and our settlement into a loving household, I'll never be alone again.

For anyone who'd like to follow my story, you can find it at http://dirty-parsnips.livejournal.com/

I feel it's a more appropriate journal for what I'm doing now, and I think the content will differ greatly from the content here. If anyone's interested in my exploits and ramblings, feel free to follow me to my new cyber-home - but if it ends up being too dull for you, my apologies and best wishes for your life anyway! See you all around sometime!

This is my story of breaking free from a pit of negativity. Wish me well!


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Hi everyone! I moved house and am now internetless - but I'm babysitting at soeone else's house for a week, so for the next few days, I'm online again. Sweet deal.

The moving-house saga is long and dramatic, and when I've finished writing it I'll post it here so everyone can see how crazy my family are. The title is "The Great Escape"...


Twas very exciting... glad it's over.

Oh, the new house is adorable though!

Well, the Cat Total has jumped up to seven at my place with a couple of new rescues coming in yesterday. My friend Gary works at the vet’s next door, and someone bought in some feral kittens. There were four, but she kept two and I think she’s planning on catching the mother cat too, and getting her spayed. It’s heartening, that. I don’t blame her for not keeping these two either, because apparently the cat total at her place is now six. I win! Haha… Rather than these littluns getting euthanised, Gary and I took on the job of socializing them for new homes. Unless, of course, we happen to fall in love with them first… *cough* They are soo cute…. Well, of course they are. They’re kittens. Duh. But squee!! How many is too many, I wonder? Technically, of the five cats that live here fulltime, two are ‘mine’ (in that they’ll come with me when I leave), two are Gary’s and one is my sister’s.

Oh, Cheyenne the Wonder Dog is now legally mine too. I don’t know if I’ve recounted the saga here or not, but basically, the dog was thrown over a fence into a backyard, which happened to belong to a woman that worked with my sister. She bestowed the dog on my sister, but since then Mark and I have been looking after here. My sister occasionally took her for walks or gave her treats, but we fed and watered her, and she slept with us, and hung out with us… and my sister really isn’t the kind of person I would want to subject Chey to long-term, so I kind of went and registered her in my name, had a bit of a conversation with my sis about the fact that I considered her ‘my’ dog and I’d like her to leave her be… slight fireworks ensued… but I really think it’s entirely for the best. I’m much more comfy with the situation now. I think Chey is too.

So my family unit now consists of Mark, Chey, Tex, Missie and the Rat-Man. Oh, and me. I like it. I’m looking forward to when we can have our own cute little house. Squeeee! Cuteness!!!

I am working today, babysitting little Keegan – my usual charge. He is asleep, and these are my hours of solitude. Sometimes I meditate, or turn inside myself. Sometimes I write. Always there is a sense of significant growth, emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes things happen that I take to be flags, signs or symbols that somehow alleviate a problem I’ve been thinking about. Today I feel the world is trying to tell me something.

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Okay. I will now go to bed and stop neurosing. I hope.

I am trying not to think about anything. It is all too hard.

Good night.

Okay, perhaps I spoke too soon. I am definitely overwhelmed. You know how I can tell? I walked into the kitchen just now all set to cook, and there are dirty dishes and other junk on the table. I almost burst into tears. I washed the ones on the sink, still determined to cook and eat something… but I couldn’t do it. I’m back, sitting on our bed and seeking solace in words.

I hate being away from him! I hate it! I want him back and I don’t want to wait until Thursday. Or if I have to wait, oh, please let me hear his voice or get an email or *something*…. I feel so deserted. Lonely…. Bereft. I want my Mark….
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Hey howdy there… I hope my adoring audience hasn’t languished too lamentably in my absence. I just don’t find much time to spend online these days. Hanging out with Mark is generally much more rewarding, and besides that, I can’t read anything on-screen for more than 5-10 minutes without my head getting all funky. I’m thinking mayhaps reading glasses would be a good idea, but I don’t really want to shell out the bucks for them. Until then, I’ll just restrict my reading, especially on screen.

Wait a moment, I hear you say. If hanging out with Mark is so much more rewarding, what are you doing online?
An excellent question, my friends, and the answer is worthy of a wail or two of anguish. Mark’s in Bali! *anguished wail* He left on Sunday night. It’s now Tuesday afternoon. I MISS HIM SO MUCH I AM GOING SLIGHTLY INSANE. I get through the days by packing them full with a variety of work, but ohhhh the nights are so lonely. And he’s like the only positive person I know really, and besides that, he’s just wonderful and terribly good for me and I can’t feel right without him. I’m trying, I really am – and doing remarkably well I must say. Reading a lot of his spiritual-type books and doing some meditating…. Lots of that… I’m coping excellently with work, which is how I know that’s effective. This week will be at least three days straight of baby-sitting, which is more than I usually do consecutively… and it’s all 6 kids. Granted, the days are a little shorter – 8 or 9 hours instead of 10 or 11, but considering that there’s also been an extra onslaught of plumbers, electricians and various handymen trooping through the house (they’re renovating in a big way) – and then I have to come home and deal with my sister (who by the way seems to be getting more negative as time goes by) and I haven’t broken down in overwhelmed tears even ONCE…. By gosh, I’m doing smashingly well really. I sure wish my Love was here though. Oh, one of his hugs would go down so well right about now.

BUT he won’t be back until Thursday night. THURSDAY NIGHT. That’s like 48 more hours…. I hope I only have to work one of the next two days… I think two would really be pushing my limits. At the moment I’m taking it as a personal challenge to see how positive I can stay with all of it, and like I said, I’m doing great… but I don’t want to push myself too far.

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Hi!

I'm still around, in case anyone was wondering. I just haven't been online much at all - which for me is lyk, so tot@lly wired. But good, I guess... I'm getting a lot of stuff done here, although I feel kind of slack in comparison to Mark still. Oh well.

Life's very good. I'm having fun, feeling hopeful.

Tata!

Dear Diary,
I wish you well.

Watev!

hA.